Thank you for your application to our company several months ago that you thought maybe we just missed in our inbox! Unfortunately, no, we actively decided not to interview you for the following reasons:
- I didn't like the font. Did you put any thought into it at all?
- There was a typo in your resume. It was bad. I'm not even going to tell you where.
- Beginner Spanish? Por favor exagerar a little, did you think we'd test you? (Spoiler alert: I would have)
- Hobbies must be things other than what we need to maintain basic life function like cooking or exercise
- Overall I found your descriptions of what you did in each job very boring
- I checked with your former boss and the 15% revenue increase you claimed for that one project was a wild exaggeration! It was 12.4%!
- Also your title was “Junior Manager”, not “Manager” or whatever you wrote
- We received three other applications from people claiming to have “led” the Desk Arrangement Optimization Strategy project you said you “led”. Who led it? What is the truth?
- There was a weird gap of two months between one end date and the next start date... too long for a vacation, too short for a sabbatical. What's the story
- Your didn't manage to get firstname.lastname@example.org and your substitute was lame
- That's a school?
Honestly if the whole thing were in Comic Sans I may have at least chuckled and put you through to an interview. It's just such a jolly font. Anyway better luck next time.
Your Subconscious Recruiting Team
PS We've alerted every other company that you're terrible and they've all now blacklisted you. Yep. That's a thing.