We are one of many companies in the field of products. With accolades from some people and complaints from others, we are proud of a workforce that celebrates having a certain degree of impact on the world, employment of staff, and an exaggeration of the cultural imbalances in broader society. Our Schlepping team is growing at a measured pace and we have a number of roles to fill to support our modest and yet entirely unsustainable growth.
As a Junior Schlepper, you’ll be the key person responsible for attending meetings and being patient while your expenses are not reimbursed on time. You’ll spend time at your desk, in the bathroom crying, pretending to be at the dentist when actually at interviews and traversing between those locations. You’ll work cross-functionally, transversely across the organization, up and down management layers and at times fully inverted like a bat to execute on projects that are time-critical and likely to be cancelled.
What you'll be doing
Among your many other tasks we haven’t documented, you’ll be expected to
- Show up to work and be at your desk
- Make small talk prior to and subsequent to the weekend about weekend activities
- Do things on demand without enough time or resources
- Sit around looking eager even when you have nothing to do
- Be tolerant of moderate pay and a weirdly located desk
- Explain too many things to your boss
- Be insufficiently compensated in two to three of the of the following ways: benefits, pay, equity
- Respect the informal holiday of every Friday with an only somewhat weary “Happy Friday”
- Love your job in spite of everything
- 10 years of direct, specific experience doing this exact job, preferably for us*
- Experience in managing large, fragmented teams of angry people
- Comfort with extreme ambiguity about everything
- Flexibility with schedule and location 100% of the time
- Strong presentation skills, analytical skills, sales skills and leadership skills
- Skills in a tool you will now google because you just learned it existed. Psych! We just made it up
- A surprising language
*Internal candidates will not be considered.
- Strong relationship with someone senior who said you’re cool
- Degree or hometown in common with the boss
- You’re attractive, but not too attractive
We are a tolerant workplace despite the various lawsuits, seriously.